


tell me, you who is mine

by moonlitkwan



Series: falling for u [11]
Category: SEVENTEEN (Band)
Genre: Ambiguous/Open Ending, Angst, Bittersweet Ending, Character Death, Death, Hopeful Ending, Light Angst, M/M, Sad Ending, jeonghan is already dead
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2020-12-20
Updated: 2020-12-20
Packaged: 2021-03-10 18:48:04
Rating: General Audiences
Warnings: Major Character Death
Chapters: 1
Words: 1,199
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/28191933
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/moonlitkwan/pseuds/moonlitkwan
Summary: Jeonghan was warm, and he was familiar.
Relationships: Hong Jisoo | Joshua & Yoon Jeonghan, Hong Jisoo | Joshua/Yoon Jeonghan
Series: falling for u [11]
Series URL: https://archiveofourown.org/series/2001655
Comments: 4
Kudos: 17





	tell me, you who is mine

The skies were dark and blue, and Joshua had nowhere else to go. The said male had forgotten how easily time could drift away from his grasp, and he lingered in the field for far too long that he couldn't escape the burst of emotions that the clouds emitted out, couldn't stop the presence of raindrops from taking refuge in his body and the string of curses that came tumbling out of his mouth. 

With one hand raised and used as a shield for his head, Joshua ran as fast as he could bearing the crippling thought of making sure not to slip echoing repeatedly in his head, but fallen raindrops were eager to catch him as the sound of thunder ringing louder and stronger in his ear at every second that was ticking by. Fear was setting in his stomach and the male could feel the small flame of anxiety threatening to spread all over his system but he shook off all the negative thoughts his mind had laid out and instead tried to remain in focus, his eyes looming around the area and desperately scanning for a place he could stay for the meantime until the storm could pass.

A sigh of relief was stolen out of his mouth at the sight of a tree, that was large enough to shelter him from the rain, unfolding in his view. Seeing this as his only chance to escape the skies' wrath and pain, Joshua immediately sprinted to where the tree was and didn't hesitate to plant himself onto the ground where no rain could ever touch him lightly. Sure, it may be just rain and water but Joshua didn't want to risk it. He didn't want to snag a one-way promo of getting a fever on the first attempt, and falling sick was definitely not a part of the plan Joshua made up when he decided to finally go out for the first time in awhile after going through so much overwhelming emotions and experiences.

And as much as possible, he wanted to stay healthy and active; that was also a promise that he made to _him_ , and to himself as well.

The rain seemed like it had no plans of stopping.

The male no longer bore any problems as he had already found himself a place he could stay for the time being, and although being slightly wet was something that was pushing him off of his comfort, he was more worried about freezing himself to death, and it was starting to get really cold. 

Joshua tried to warm himself up by stroking his own arms in an upward and downward motion but it was unfortunately not working. He even brought his legs closer to his body but it was still really cold. He was cold. 

And then all of a sudden, Joshua felt warm.

He felt that there was a warm presence behind him, and that the familiar warmth was shielding him from the cold, giving him the comforting ambience of home and the taste of reassurance.

It made Joshua flutter his eyes shut, and he could no longer hear the thunder growling in the background. 

He could no longer hear how hard and how strong the rain was pouring in front of him. 

Joshua felt safe.

The warmth was hugging him from behind.

"Jeonghan?"

"Hmmm?"

"Tell me why the rain is angry, and is pouring so hard right now." Joshua murmured out, his eyes still tightly shut and his heart full of warmth.

"You know why, Shua." Jeonghan responded but Joshua shook his head in disagreement at his answer, muttering out, "no, I don't know."

A soft hum tumbled out of Jeonghan's lips.

"Tell me something I don't know, Han." 

"That I love you, Shua."

"No, I know that now."

"You know that _now_ , Shua."

"It's too late, I know, I know." With his eyes still closed, the male let out a sigh. There was a rain of temptation clouding all over his head, faint whispers of how he should open his eyes instead of succumbing to the darkness echoing relentlessly inside his mind but Joshua fought out hard and did his best not to fall unto the trap that he himself had set up.

"Why won't you open your eyes, Joshua?" Jeonghan was warm, and he was familiar. He was the wind. Even if Joshua couldn't feel the way Jeonghan was gently caressing his cheek, he knew that the latter was there. Always there; constant, and reassuring.

"I don't want to, Jeonghan." If Jeonghan was gentle, then Joshua was a liar. Promises of recovery and moving on were bleeding vague and red, he had told himself this for more than a hundredth time now, memorized it the way he chanted the words in his sleep so that he could be comforted even if it was only for that short span of time, but Joshua just couldn't bring it in himself to stop the tears from falling out the moment he felt Jeonghan's familiar presence envelop around him.

"Why?"

"Because," Joshua took a sharp intake of breath and continued, "I don't want to open my eyes knowing that you're not here anymore, that you're not the first person I get to see in the morning and the last person I see at night. I don't want to open my eyes knowing that you're gone, and you're only retained in my memories."

It suddenly became silent.

But the silence was familiar.

The warmth was fading away, and Joshua could hear the rain again. 

"Jeonghan?" Joshua softly whispered. "Are you still there?"

"I'm always here, Joshua."

Joshua opened his eyes.

"Tell me a lie, Jeonghan."

Jeonghan didn't respond immediately, and for that moment, Joshua thought that the former decided to truly leave him but all weight and doubts were lifted off of his shoulder the moment Joshua heard him say, "That I didn't love you, Joshua Hong."

Jeonghan continued. "Because I loved you more than I loved myself. Shua, you were my life. You were everything to me. I had no reason to live but then you came to my life, stumbling with that charming smile of yours even though time was not on my side. I loved you with all of my heart, and loved all of our moments together including our very last ones. Because it's ours to remember, and it's yours to look back. But it's time for you to let me go now."

The rain was pouring. 

Tears were falling. 

It was only him and the rain. 

Another tear fell as Joshua closed his eyes once again. "Jeonghan, tell me something true."

"I'm no longer there, Joshua." The voice replied.

"Jeonghan," Joshua breathed out, "tell me you love me for one last time."

The rain stopped pouring, the wind stopped blowing, and the thunder stopped roaring. It was no longer cold. Joshua felt warm. 

Joshua gazed at the sky and smiled, his heart full of warmth and fondness as he stared at the stars that Jeonghan hung up for him, and the way they formed his constellation.

It was Jeonghan telling Joshua he loved him, and that was the only thing that mattered.


End file.
